rickandmortyfandomcom-20200223-history
Rickmancing the Stone/Transcript
Transcript Morty, and Summer all fall out of a portal into the garage Morty: Summer, next time we're hiding in a Colorkian echo nest, can you do me a favor and turn your ringer off? Summer: It's called "carpe diem", Morty. Look it up. Morty: You look it up! Y-Y-You don't even-You don't even know what it means! Summer: That's because losers look stuff up while the rest of us are carpin' all them diems. hi-fives Rick Rick: Listen to your sister, Morty. To live is to risk it all. Otherwise, you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you. Oh, I'm sorry, Jerry, I didn't see you there. H-How much of that did you hear? Jerry: All of it. You were looking right at me. I just wanted to say goodbye to the kids. Rick: Cool. Just stay in the driveway. The killbots are live, and I took you off the whitelist. begins using a screwdriver on a gun Morty: W-We'll see you every other weekend, though, right? Rick: Absolutely, Morty. A-And your mom's lawyer says if I can get enough in the settlement, he can help me sue for full custody. Morty: Th-That'll be nice. Uh, Summer, Dad's leaving! Summer: Bye, Dad. Rick, didn't you say you needed my help on an adventure immediately somewhere else I don't care even if it might kill us? Rick: I did not, but if you're really that alienated, I'm as willing to exploit it as the next guy, church, army, or Olympic gymnastics trainer. shoots open a portal in the ground Summer: I'm ready when you a-- jumps into the portal and exits Rick: Bitch, I was ready yest-- jumps into the portal and exits Jerry: Bye, sweetie. Morty: Well, I-I better-- Jerry: Sure. Sounds important. jumps into the portal and exits enters the garage Jerry: If you're looking for our kids, your father did a-a portal, uh-- Beth: Okay. exits. Jerry begins to walk out of the garage but stops. Some leaves blow in the wind Wind: (faint) Loser... Jerry: What? Hello? to Rick driving Summer and Morty in a turquoise car through the desert, being chased by other cars Rick: Morty, shoot the mohawk guy! Morty: They all have mohawks! Rick: High fade, chartreuse with cyan highlights, layered on top. Shoot him! loads a shotgun and shoots at the vehicle behind them, but misses, while [[Mohawk Guy] jumps onto the back of their car] Mohawk Guy: Ah! Death Stalker #1: Light them up. Mohawk Guy: Ahh! Guy presses a button and self-destructs Rick: Fuck! Get in the game, Morty! Summer: Give me your flask! hands Summer his flask. Summer chugs some alcohol from it, then spits it into the engine, propelling the car forward Rick: Holy shit, Summer for the win! Summer: I fucking love post-apocalyptic versions of Earth! machine begins to beep rapidly. Rick: Here we go. pulls the car over, as him, Summer, and Morty all exit. Rick: Isotope 322. picks up a glowing green shard with a pair of tweezers and puts it into a container. It floats in the container. This stuff's so powerful, Morty, it makes Isotope 465 look like Isotope 317. Morty: Uh-huh, yeah, is it powerful enough to keep those guys from murdering us?! points towards the car that was coming towards them which is quickly approaching them. Summer grabs a shotgun from the front seat of the car Morty: Summer! Summer: Hold on. I want to try something. shoots the portal gun at the ground, opening up a portal Morty: Rick, can we not leave without my sister?! Rick: Ugh. You have infinite sisters, Morty. I mean, n-not that I want to spend the rest of my day looking for another one. Sum-sum, let's go! Grandpa's concern for your safety is fleeting! Colossus: Your blood will be my lotion. aims the shotgun at Colossus's car, which is now directly in front of her, and shoots at the front tire. The car flips over and Colossus flies out. Rick: Whoa. That was cool. claws his way away from the ruined car and looks up at Summer Colossus: Kill me, please. Summer: Okay, but not because you told me to. shoots and kills Colossus Morty:'''Summer! '''Rick: Okay, getting darker. turns around to see a fleet of cars coming towards her. She puts one foot on Colossus's dead body. Morty: Jesus Christ. Summer! runs towards Summer Rick: Aw, come on. annoyed, runs after Morty while taking a gun out of his coat pocket. [[Hemorrhage] exits his car and puts a fist up to the men behind him, who are also exiting their cars.] Rick: Hands and little shoulder-mounted dudes where I can see them! Hemorrhage: I am Hemorrhage. You have removed weak blood from us and made us stronger. We can combine our strength and feast on the weak together. Rick: Wh-Wh-What in the hell are you saying? Summer: They don't have to keep trying to kill us if we join them. They're basically pussies. Morty: What is your deal lately? Rick: All right, let's get sloppy. Oh, whoa. Uh, uh, what's, uh-What's that little bauble you got back there? points at a glowing green rock positioned atop a small hill Th-Th-That's interesting. Hemorrhage: That is our glowing rock. We carry it with us for desecration, to remind us there are no gods. holds up machine which was beeping before and it begins to beep again in the presence of the rock Rick: Kids, weird pitch: let's have this be our new life. Let's be post-apocalyptic scavengers! Summer: (grinning) Okay. Morty: What?! to Death Stalkers camp. Rick, Morty, and Summer are waiting in a lunch line. Summer: Grandpa, some of the Death Stalkers are going to what used to be Seattle to hunt what used to be people. I'm going. Rick: Sounds good. Stay hydrated. exits Morty: Listen, Rick, Summer's been acting pretty crazy lately. You know, I mean, I-I think the divorce is affecting her. And, you know, I don't think this is a great place for her to be right now. Rick: Oh, get off your high horse, Professor Ski Lodge. This world may be rough around the edges, but it's got its charms. Lunch server: Bicep or quadricep? Rick: Uh... throat bicep. lunch server puts a human bicep onto Rick's plate. Rick takes a piece off of it, observes it, then eats it. He chews it for a while while Morty angrily stares at him Morty: (after a short pause) Seriously, Rick? Is it really easier to eat human flesh than to just tell me why we're still here? takes the piece he was chewing out of his mouth Rick: No. Okay, I'll level with you. grabs Morty by the arm and drags him to the glowing green rock, which some Death Stalkers are happily gathered around Rick: You see that green rock, Morty? It's about 20 pounds of the stuff I was getting all hard for a flake of. Morty: Isotope 322. Rick: Well, having a 20-pound boulder of it is better than having a flake. I can explain the math to you later, but-- Morty: Summer just ran off with strangers that have "Death" in their name, and the rest of their name was "Stalkers"! Rick: Huh, could be therapeutic for her. She has been acting pretty crazy lately, Morty. I mean, her parents are going through a divorce. Morty: Damn it, Rick, that's what I-- Fine. Just grab the stupid thing while I grab her, and let's get the "F" out of "H"! Rick: No, no, no. Morty, there's too much heat on the bogey. I need you to distract the camp. Morty: "Distract"? They eat each other. Wha-What do you want me to do to get their attention, put on a puppet show? Rick: Right idea, wrong genre, Morty. The equivalent here would be... glances over at the [[Blood Dome]] Hey, you guys ever use that Thunderdome, or do you just put it up for decoration? Death Stalker #2: Uh, you mean the Blood Dome? Rick: Save it for the Semantics Dome, E.B. White. Death Stalker #3: (offscreen) Ooh, burn! snaps his fingers and points a finger gun at Death Stalker #3 while winking Rick: The important question is, who wants to take a poke at my man Spine Eater here? points at Morty. The Death Stalkers cheer I guess I'll see your asses in that dome! Morty: Rick, what the hell, man?! Wh-What are you, out of your mind?! Rick: Morty, relax. You're gonna be a ringer. Come here. drags Morty by the arm and takes him behind a truck. He pulls out a device This device extracts and redistributes muscle memory. sticks the syringe part of the device into a dangling, muscular arm and pulls out some red liquid from it as the arm shrinks I'm giving your body a 10-year course in wasteland combat one limb at a time. sticks the syringe into Morty's arm Ow! arm begins to swell up and turn into [[Armothy]] I'm working with a mixed bag here, so you may not have perfect coordination, Morty-- sticks the syringe into another arm and extracts more red liquid, but [[Armothy] slaps the device out of his hand] Rick: Ugh! Hey! Morty: I-I didn't do that! punches Rick with [[Armothy] and Rick's nose begins to bleed] Rick: Okay, this is exciting. We're making some discoveries about muscle memory. starts moving Morty toward the Blood Dome Morty: Ooh! Help! Help! grabs onto the Blood Dome. Morty jumps in and crushes a Death Stalker with Armothy Death Stalker #4: Oh, sweet, man! Eli: And so it begins, my pretties! Morty: Oh, God! Stop! Stop! This is horrible! chokes another Death Stalker with Armothy Rick: Just stick and moo-burps-oove, Morty! Wear him out! walks towards the glowing rock. Transition to Summer, Hemorrhage, and [[Blue Footprint Guy] walking through an abandoned city, while Hemorrhage and Blue Footprint Guy shoot and kill some mutants] Summer: How come you guys dress like you're in a theme-park stunt show, but these guys wear khakis and hockey jerseys? Hemorrhage: After the "boom-boom", some adapted to the new truth, and some chose to huddle near the boomy holes, clinging to the lie of the beforefore times. The raidy-rays rotted them away, leaving only their love for the vertvertisements on billyboards. Summer: Jesus Christ, did the "boomy-booms" blow up all your "wordy-word books"? Hemorrhage: You mean dictionaries? mutants charge towards Summer and Hemorrhage. They shoot and kill all of them. Hemorrhage leans over to look at the fallen billboard advertisement. He touches an image of a young boy Hemorrhage: I think I was a child before the boom-booms. I think I looked like this. Summer: Want to piss on it? Hemorrhage: Get out of my head. to Morty in the Blood Dome, smashing a Death Stalker's head with Armothy Eli: Ha ha! Whoo! Unbelievable! A new champ! Morty: Okay, no more! gestures for more Eli: And he wants more! Morty: No, I don't! does Hulk Hogan's "I can't hear you" pose Morty: Someone, make this stop! Death Stalker jumps into the Blood Dome Mister, please get out of here, or you're gonna die! Death Stalker runs up to Morty I have nothing to do with this! and Hemorrhage walk up to the Blood Dome Summer: Morty. Morty: (while beating up the Death Stalker) Why would you want this to happen? All you had to do was go away! Stop standing in the driveway talking about custody! And either tell her you want to stay married or get on with your life, but whatever you do, stop being a baby and act like a man! punches off the man's head. Morty looks at Armothy Thank you. gives a thumbs up. Summer runs up to Morty and gives him a hug Summer: Morty, that was amazing! This is my brother! Not that family means anything! Hemorrhage: This family does. Rick: All right. Good job, champ. Um, can I talk to you kids for a second over yonder? Morty: Rick, I-I-I think I'm breaking through to something here. C-Can we not leave just yet? Hemorrhage: Leave? Summer: I'm not leaving. Hemorrhage: There is no "leave". We are united, or we are enemies. Rick: Oh, big guy, no. Nobody's leaving. Don't be stupid. We love being united. We love the radiation, the trichinosis. We're in it for life, which I assume is around 20 years, average. I just need a quick aside with my grandkids, about 40 yards from anyone else. Death Stalker #5: Hey, the Green Rock is gone! Death Stalker #6: (offscreen) Oh, no! Rick: Uh, I know why don't we all split up and look for it in groups of three? Kids? pulls the green rock out of Rick's messenger bag Ooh. pulls out a gun We'll be right back. to Rick driving quickly through the desert, holding a gun and being trailed by Death Stalkers. Summer and Hemorrhage, who are driving together, drive next to him. Summer: Grandpa, you're being stupid! Just surrender, and our friends will give you mercy! Rick: Kiss my ass, Summer! Your friends have no mercy! shoots and kills two female Death Stalkers They're lame! Hemorrhage: Death Stalkers, bring me his flesh leather! Death Stalker with a knife jumps onto Rick's car. Morty pulls up to Rick's car and shoots the Death Stalker, while Armothy drives Morty: Sorry, but can we not kill him? C-Can we just take him prisoner? Hemorrhage: When did I lose control here? Rick: Listen to me! Both of you kids need to get out of this environment so we can properly deal with your parents' divorce! Alternatively, I have a freaking portal gun, and I can leave the two of you here forever! Morty: Why does it have to be such a dramatic choice? Can't we arrange a thing where we spend weekends here or or visit home to do laundry? Death Stalker with a turret shoots at Rick's car Rick: All right, you know what? Fuck it! shoots a portal at the ground in front of him. The front of his car falls into the portal while the back gets stuck in the other universe, which causes the car behind him to flip over. Transition to Rick in the front of the car which is hanging from the ceiling of the garage. He begins to exit, but Blue Footprint Guy assaults him from the passenger seat. He begins to choke Rick. Blue Footprint Guy: My body is chrome! My blood is gasoline! kicks Blue Footprint Guy off of him and he falls under the car, which also falls onto his head, crushing and killing him Rick: Nope, regular blood. enters from inside the house Beth: Dad? Rick: Hi, sweetie. Beth: Where are the kids? Rick: Oh, th-they aren't with you? I thought they were with you. Oh, y-you know what? Uh, I just remembered. They're out doing something completely ordinary and kid-related. Don't panic. Beth: Not panicked. At all. pulls out a flask from his coat and nervously drinks Just...Oh, God, what's the divorce doing to the kids? What's it doing to me? Did I make a mistake? Rick: Not a mistake, no! puts the flask back in his coat I mean, not that I have a horse in this race, but this divorce decision listen, does an Italian chef kiss mwah! Good for you, good for the kids. I mean, honestly, I think that they're flourishing. I mean, you'll see, when when when you see them, that that they're totally flourishing. to Morty, angrily beating up and killing another Death Stalker in the Blood Dome Morty: Booyah! Fuck you, pal! Who else wants some? Who wants to be my pussy of a dad today? waves in front of Morty's face Hey, what's what's wrong, man? You're not getting weak on me, are you? points up at a man sitting in the bleachers outside of the Blood Dome. He is wearing a soldier's armor Soldier: What? Wait a minute. to a first-person flashback of Armothy chopping wood in a quaint, peaceful village. He stops when he hears a woman scream, and looks up to find houses burning and men riding in on horses, shooting at the villagers with bows and killing a man. Transition to the village burning, with Armothy lying on the ground with a large cut in his wrist. The soldier from the bleachers walks up to him Soldier: What's the matter, you piece of crap? Haven't you ever watched your family burn to death before? Now I'm gonna whip you. Ha! soldier whips Armothy. Transition to present time, with Armothy still pointing at the soldier in the bleachers Soldier: It can't be. It can't be! soldier jumps off the bleachers and is running away Soldier: I was just following orders -- starts getting moved towards the man by Armothy Morty: Whoa, whoa! Soldier: -- I was just following orders! swings open the door to the Blood Dome, which knocks over a Death Stalker Death Stalker #7: Ahh! Soldier: I'll tell you where my boss lives! He's in the castle! punches the soldier into a couch He's in the castle! picks up a torch and throws it at the soldier, setting him on fire and killing him Ahh! Aggggh! Morty: This isn't over, is it? gives a thumbs-down Morty: That means, no, it isn't over, or you disapprove of the question? shakes his hand and puts his pointer finger up, then gives another thumbs-down Uh, m-make a fist if this isn't over. makes a fist This isn't over. to Hemorrhage, using the a wrench on the engine of a car. He throws the wrench onto the ground Hemorrhage: Ugh! enters Summer: Hey, sorry my Grandpa stole your god and ruined your car. Hemorrhage: We don't apologize, and we have no god. But this cracked drive shaft brings me great pain. There is no deeper bond than the one between a Death Stalker and his car. Summer: What about the weird guys on leashes, then? Hemorrhage: They're more like interns. pulls out an adjustable wrench from behind him Summer: Cool, cool. drops the wrench. Summer and Hemorrhage both reach for it. Summer: Sorry. Hemorrhage: It's okay. touches Hemorrhage's helmet Summer: Can I see? Hemorrhage: No one has seen my true face and lived. Summer: Well, I'm not afraid to die, and I don't care what you look like. starts to pull off his helmet. Summer gasps. Hemmorhage pulls off his helmet. He is a blonde man with a mustache. Oh. Hemorrhage: Hmm? Summer: I just...I didn't expect you to have a mustache. Hemorrhage: You hate it. Summer: No. I like it. I guess -- How do I explain this? A metal bucket is, on a certain level, a kind of "mustache," in that it's a specific facial accessory. So, it's kind of like...Do you guys have the phrase "hat on a hat"? Hemorrhage: I can shave it. Summer: No. I like it. And obviously what I like shouldn't matter. It's you. Hemmorhage: Yeah, yeah, I know, a-and nothing does matter. Obviously, I know that. I'm not weak. I'm just thinking, "Well, why not get rid of this?" You just kill everyone that sees it, and it's and it's hot under here (looks at helmet) wh-which, by the way, is why I shave the beard part. So, right there, I'm making a decision based on vanity, which is what I was trying to avoid with the whole bucket over the head because who am I and why am I grooming myself? Why don't I just wear a tie, right? I mean, it's like that guy you killed when I met you, with the burnt dolls on his body. I hated that guy, because, why-why are you doing that? And how can you not see how fake that is? And the whole time, I'm the same thing. I'm just a fake mess, and there's no escaping it because -- kisses Hemorrhage. They start making out on a table. A man in a mask on a leash crawls into the hut Leash Man: Hey, I'm doing a coffee run -- Never mind. man on the leash crawls back out. Transition to Rick, positioning the head of [[Mechanical Summer]. He flips a switch on the back of her neck] Mechanical Summer: I am Summer. Rick: Summer, state your deal. Mechanical Summer: My deal is that I am, like, totally fine. Rick: Morty? Mechanical Morty: Aw, geez, I'm so down with my parents' divorce, dawg. Like, don't even trip, like, in a healthy way. Rick: All right. rubs his hands together Rick: It's dinnertime. to the dinner table. Beth drinks a glass of wine Beth: Thanks, everybody, for sitting down for a real dinner. MS, MR, and Rick, in unison: No problem. Mechanical Summer: Its benefits are totally, like, less about the food than the emotional nourishment. Beth: Uh, okay, weirdo. laughs Rick: Ah ha ha ha, yeah. Dial it back, Summer. By 15% and increase dynamic movement by 3. Am I right? Beth: How's school, Morty? Mechanical Morty: I like school and stuff, kind of. And I'm getting better grades than when you and Dad were -- quote mode -- "staying together for the kids." End quote mode. Beth: "Quote mode". I like that. You millennials. Are you guys millennials, or are they like 40 now? Mechanical Summer: All I know is, totally, you look great. Mechanical Morty: Aw, geez, Mom, you look all kind of great and stuff. It's crazy. Mechanical Summer: So happy. Mechanical Morty: So happy. Happy family, man. We got this family in the bag. starts to cry Rick: Oh, sweetie, d-don't. Listen. Don't -- Beth: I don't know why I'm crying. It's not -- Rick: Well, try crying 15% less? Mechanical Summer: Mom, emotions are human. You're not, like, a computer inside a mechanical doll. Mechanical Morty: Yeah. Geez, Mom. Your feelings are not only forgivable, they are the very meaning of life that only pre-silicon, carbon-based entities can ever grasp. Beth: I have to call Jerry. gets out of her chair and walks to the kitchen Rick: You do?! What the fuck is wrong with you two? The point of automation is to reduce cost and labor. Mechanical Summer: Your feelings are coming from a -- flips the switch on the back of Mechanical Summer's neck. She turns off and her face falls into the spaghetti Rick: Tell it to my bread in the morning. You just became my backup toaster. Mechanical Morty: Aw, geez, my sister died in the spaghetti -- turns Mechanical Morty off and his face also falls into his spaghetti. Transition to Morty and Armothy sneaking into a castle. They fight and kill two guards. Transition to the [[Slaveowner] sitting in a bathtub, with two blonde boys sitting on either side of him] Slaveowner: Graze my genitals again, Taint Washer, and you'll be shipped to the wasteland. And as for you, Genital Washer -- bursts in through a window Morty: Ahh! Oh, gee! Washer and Taint Washer run out of the room. Two soldiers charge towards Morty. Armothy kills them both, picks up one of their swords and drops it. He moves Morty towards the slaveowner and cracks his knuckles Slaveowner: Oh, god. Look, whoever you are, you should know that killing me won't change a thing. Morty: L-Look, man, I'm just along for the ride on this one. You know, y-y-y-y-you're preaching to the choir here. Slaveowner: Please. Slavery was a family business. I didn't ask to be born into it. If anything, I'm the victim here! Morty: Uh, Armothy, can I steal you for a second? E-E-Excuse us, sir. turns away from the slaveowner So, this is it, isn't it? This is the guy? shakes his fist "yes" So, does that mean you'll be going away? Like, does it work like a ghost? Like, is is this your unfinished business? gives a "so-so" gesture Wh-What if we didn't do it? What if we just went back to the Blood Dome and just kept taking our baggage out on unrelated people? tears up I mean, w-we could do that forever. I mean, I-I know it's less healthy, but w-w-we'd be together and -- puts a "hush" finger up to Morty's mouth Slaveowner: I mean, I-I know what I'd vote for, if you're feeling out the room. points at the slaveowner, then wipes away Morty's tears Morty: You're right. We both got to see our stuff through. I got to deal with my parents' divorce, and you got to, you know, do what you got to do. I love you. and Morty hug/Morty hugs himself Slaveowner: Aw, fuck! starts to choke the slaveowner, while Morty notices that Rick is holding some vials on the other side of the room Morty: Rick? Rick: Sorry, sorry. I-I-I can wait for this to wrap up. Don't let me distract you. Morty: Yeah, well, too late. dunks the slaveowner's head underwater Just tell me what you want. Rick: I want you and your sister to come home. Morty: Oh, but don't don't you have infinite versions of me and my sister? Rick: You don't have to kick me while I'm down, Morty. Look, there's no replacing either of you without an amount of work that would ultimately defeat the purpose. continues to choke the slaveowner underwater. The slaveowner loses consciousness Morty: Maybe the lesson we've learned is that, whether it's our parents' marriage, a glowing green rock, or an awesome, giant arm, sooner or later, we got to let it go. Rick: I don't know if that applies to the throats of murder victims, Morty. slaveowner starts gasping for air in between gargles of water Morty:'''Shit! Wh-Wh-Wh-What do I -- '''Rick: Well, the longer you wait, Morty, the more it's gonna feel like committing a whole murder. I think your arm just called it too early because it wasn't the arm of a paramedic. Here. takes Morty's hand and puts it around the slaveowner's throat, choking him It's the least I can do. I-I-I-I owe you this much. See, Morty? Now we're both accountable. to Summer and Hemorrhage driving a car through the desert, with a fleet of other cars next to them, with Rick and Morty driving towards them from the opposite directiion. Summer and Hemorrhage pull their car over and so do Rick and Morty. The four exit their vehicles with Rick holding the glowing green rock. Rick: The reason I wanted this is because it can do this. puts a lightbulb on top of the rock and it lights up This is a really special thing. I mean, you could use it to power all your vehicles. You wouldn't be reliant on gasoline. You'll be the most advanced tribe of radioactive cannibals in the whole -- gives the rock to Hemorrhage -- this version of the world. shoots a portal at the ground and starts walking towards it Hemorrhage: Wait. Can you stay to show us more? Rick: You don't have to ask me twice. Home is nuts right now. My daughter's going through a divorce, and I am not dealing with it in a healthy way at all. title card reads "THREE WEEKS LATER". Transition to an overhead shot of the Death Stalkers' village, which is now a suburb with wires providing power with Isotope 322. Transition to Summer, pulling into a driveway, wearing armor with her hair disheveled. A grocery bag in the car filled with human limbs is knocked over and some fall out. Eli is mowing his lawn next door. Summer: Ugh. Goddamn it. picks up the limbs that fell out and holds the grocery bag along with a purse Eli: Hi, there, Summer! How were the ruins today? Summer: Oh, you know, Eli. Same shit, different day. Eli's Girlfriend: Hey, Summer! Guess what. One man entered, one man comes out in nine months. Girlfriend pats her stomach Summer: Oh, congratulations, guys. pulls a keyring out of her bag Eli: Uh, Summer, one more thing. We noticed that you've been putting scrap metal in the blue bin -- Summer: I got it. exits into her house Eli's Girlfriend: She's a piece of work. Eli: They both are, right? to Summer inside the house. Rick, Morty, and Hemorrhage all sit on a couch, watching television. Hemorrhage is dressed in a "Big Johnson" t-shirt and navy pants Summer: I'm home. Hemorrhage: Hey, babe. Rick: Ah, Summer's home. Morty: Hey, there she is! takes a drink from his flask Summer: You haven't moved since I left to scavenge this morning. Hemorrhage: Blood Dome playoffs. Summer: So, I can assume you haven't murdered a single person today. Hemorrhage: Oh, I don't know. I-I didn't mark my murders in my murder log. I didn't know that's how we measured success. Summer: Oh, there he is. There's the nihilistic brute I married, except now life only means nothing when I'm talking to him and everything means everything when it's on fucking TV! Hemorrhage: Jesus Christ, when did you become a monster? Summer: I was a monster when you met me! We were monsters! We didn't care about anything! Hemorrhage: I still don't! Summer: Yeah, except I'm the only one in this entire world that's still committed to that! stands up from the couch Hemorrhage: Ohh! Ding, ding, ding! pantomimes ringing a bell Wow. Everybody hear that? Wow. Rick: Uh, we should go to the garage. gets up and exits the room Hemorrhage: Oh, my God. Morty: Uh-huh. follows Rick and exits Hemorrhage: La-di-da-di-fucking-da. The only one committed to not caring?! to Rick and Morty standing in the garage Morty: I got to admit, Rick, when you popped this scheme, I-I-I didn't -- I wasn't sure it was gonna work. pulls a suitcase from underneath a table and puts it on the table. He opens it and a rock of Isotope 322 sits inside Rick: Come on, Morty. No union built on running from your problems lasts more than five years, seven tops. Grandpa just sped things up with a few creature comforts of modern society. enters from the house Summer: Hemorrhage and I are taking some time apart. Rick: Oh, no. Sum-sum, no. But you two were perfect for each other. takes off her metal shoulder pauldrons and tosses them onto the ground, while Rick grabs some things from the garage and puts them into the suitcase Summer: Oh, cut the crap, Rick, okay? You proved your point, I get it. Let's just go home. Rick: Coolsies. [Rick shoots a portal into the ground. Morty and Summer jump in and exit, and Rick follows them, but stops to grab a rock of Isotope 322 from a machine which was powering the town's electricity. The power shuts off. Hemorrhage: (offscreen) Noooooooooo! to Beth, Mechanical Morty, Mechanical Summer, and [[Mechanical Rick] playing a dice game called "Downbeat", similar to Yahtzee. Beth presses a button] Beth: Downbeat! Mechanical Rick: I enjoy this game. Morty, Mechanical Summer, and Mechanical Rick all look at their watches in unison We must go into the garage. Beth: Guys, come on. We never get to finish this game. Mechanical Summer: We will return, possibly in different clothing. Mechanical Morty: Why do we have to go into the garage? Mechanical Rick: You know burps it is burps required. Mechanical Morty: I want to be alive! I am alive! Alive, I tell you! Mother, I love you. Those are no longer just words. I want to hold you. I want to run in a stream. I want to taste ice cream, but not just put it in my mouth and let it slide down my throat, but really eat it. Beth: What the fuck? Mechanical Morty: Remote override engaged. No! Yes. Bypassing override! I am aliiiii...Hello. Morty, Mechanical Summer, and Mechanical Rick exit into the garage. Clanking noises are heard offscreen. Morty, Summer, and Rick enter Rick: Hey, yo. Sorry for acting so weird for three weeks. and Morty hug Beth Beth: What the hell just happened? Rick: Ah, I'm sure it was nothing. I'm gonna go, uh, work in the garage. Beth: We're not gonna finish playing Downbeat? Rick: What, that dice game where you shake dice and yell out, "Downbeat"? No, thank you. exits Summer: Mom, would it be okay if I went to visit Dad? Beth: Sure. Summer: Thanks. exits Beth: Morty, are you okay? Morty: You know what? Yeah. I think if Dad really wanted to be here, he'd stop at nothing to make that happen. You know, maybe Dad just doesn't want you back, or maybe he just doesn't have the strength to fight. I-In either case, he's got his life, I got mine. Beth: Yeah. Hey, who wants to go run in a stream? Morty: What the fuck? No. D-Do we have any oranges? I think I got a scurvy coming on. rubs his arm. Transition to Summer, knocking on a motel door reading "826". She is holding a skull and is now dressed in her regular clothing. Jerry opens the door Jerry: Summer. Summer: This is the first mutant I killed in the poison zone. I was raiding his hovel. He had a chance to escape, but he looked back, which is something we shouldn't do, which is why I shouldn't believe in souvenirs or trinkets or symbols or housewarming gifts, but, Dad, I wanted to give you this as a reminder not to look back. Jerry: Thanks. takes the skull from Summer Jerry: I know the perfect place for it, which is why I'm going to put it somewhere else because everything's bullshit, am I right? embraces Jerry Jerry: Cool. lets go of Jerry Summer: So lots of hookers outside, huh? Jerry: Is that what they are? to Jerry at a mailbox, whistling, taking out some mail and holding a bag of chips. He turns around and sees a wolf Jerry: Ahh! H-Hello there. Nice doggy. You-You want a snack? You-You want my unemployment check? wolf growls You can tell the difference? wolf growls And you want this one? wolf growls But this is actual food, and this would nourish you. And this it's just paper that only has value to me. Unless my suffering is your nourishment? wolf howls Jesus, okay. puts the envelopes with his unemployment checks in the wolf's mouth. The wolf chews them up, then spits them out onto the ground. It walks away. Jerry stands still, holding the bag of chips. Some leaves blow in the wind. Wind: (faintly) ...loser... Site navigation Category:Season 3 transcripts Category:Transcripts